Below are 8 reasons why living together is a
bad choice if a woman wants to marry:
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1. Men and women have very different
ideas about what living together
means: Women typically see it as an
almost inevitable step toward marriage,
while men see it as a no-obligation "test
drive." Couples who initiate a live-in
relationship under the fog of such
contradictory assumptions are already in
trouble.
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2. You've heard the old expression,
"Why buy the cow when you can
get the milk for free?" It's an ugly
phrase, but there's some truth to the
message. Living together results in
regular, no-strings sex for a man, thus
removing the sexual motivation that is
part of a marriage proposal. And don't
worry about his proposing just to bed you
— there are too many sexually available
women out there for a man to propose
marriage just for sexual release.
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3. Living together means that a man
doesn't have to pursue his girlfriend
any longer: And if something is too
easily acquired, it just doesn't hold the
same value as something that is more
challenging to get. This more true with
couples who are either co-habiting or
who lived together before "sliding" into
marriage.
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4. There is no interest on taking things
to the next level : Because it removes
much of a man's motivation to make the
formal commitment of marriage within a
reasonable time, living together often
causes women to feel frustrated and get
stuck in a cycle of hope and
disappointment. Christmas comes and she
hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed.
Her birthday comes and she hopes for a
ring, only to be disappointed. Her sister
gets married and she hopes for a ring,
only to be disappointed. You get the idea.
Even worse, this cycle often leads to
ultimatums — Marry me or it's over!—
which, in turn, can lead to a reluctant
and passionless groom or, just as bad, a
woman who tries to fool herself into
believing that "marriage is just a piece
of paper" so that she doesn't have to
break up with a man who calls her bluff.
.
5. Couples who live together are less
likely to get married: Why? Well, for
the reasons previously mentioned that
remove the motivation to marry. Co-
habiting couples also tend to have a more
lax attitude toward commitment and
don't work as hard to stay together.
When their relationship goes through a
rough spot — as all relationships do — it
is all too easy to just walk away. The
legal and public commitment of marriage
motivates couples to work through
conflict, strengthen the relationship and
stay together.
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6. Living together is not a reliable way
to predict long-term compatibility
or marital success: In fact, couples
who live together before marriage
divorce at higher rates. There are other
ways to set yourself up for a happy,
healthy marriage. Serious dating allows
two people to get to know each other as
loving friends and determine whether
they have a reasonable chance of being a
faithful, respectful and cooperative
couple with shared values and vision.
Spending time at a boyfriend or
girlfriend's house will reveal many
personal habits and quirks, while a
practical pre-marital class that teaches
communication, interpersonal and life
skills can give couples the tools they
need to help avoid common problems and
resolve those conflicts that will
invariably arise.
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7. Very few unmarried couples who
have children end up staying
together: In other words, a child's
chances of living in the same home as his
or her biological but non-married parents
until he or she is a teenager is
negligible. Of those couples that do keep
their relationships intact until their
children are grown, 93 percent of them
are legally married. This is important,
since children who are raised by both
biological parents in a low-conflict home
are more likely to be emotionally and
psychologically healthy than children
whose parents are co-habiting or
divorced. They are less likely to
experience mental health or behavioural
problems, or to live in poverty.
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8. Living together takes the excitement
out of being newlyweds: Being a new
bride and moving in with your husband to
start a life — and perhaps a family —
with those shiny new rings on your
fingers to show the world your
commitment, is a wonderful experience
that many women still hope for. Put the
cynics and haters on ignore — their
bitterness reflects their own choices and
reality, not yours. Many, many couples
still live "happily ever after" after
marriage and you can, too. You just need
to know where you want to go in life, and
what choices are most likely to get you
there.
Cc: MDEE
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